And the winner is . . .

Paris Hilton! What other subject could I possibly write about for my first rant than the embodiment of just about everything that pisses me off?

Let's see . . . attention whore with no discernible talent, mediocre looks (even after multiple enhancements), zero ethics, over-privileged princess-wannabe who acts more like trailer trash than any of my redneck buddies ever thought about doing. Yep, the only things worse than this vacuous bimbo are the media that keeps giving her publicity and the publishing pimps who paid some starving ghostwriter to pen those waste of trees with her name on them. No, wait. Add to that list any parents who actually let their daughters be in the same room with one of her manuals for "finding your inner princess!" Quick, somebody call Child Protection Services!

As proof that this most-heinous heiress is no different from the baby-mamas on Jerry Springer, here's the details of her latest news item: She and her boyfriend's ex, Shanna Moakler, got into a brawl at the Hyde club in Los Angeles, complete with jaw-jacking, profanity, intentional drink spilling, and somebody getting pushed down some stairs.

You know, to be honest, I've done all that stuff myself a few times. But at least I work for a living and have a higher IQ than my dog.